Taking advice from a friend

Rose in Wahroonga Park

While I don't know how I feel about taking the advice of a peer and a fellow schoolmate from high school, I do know that unlike her's, this blog is as scattered as the winds and possibly as nonsensical as a cluster of words pulled randomly from the dictionary. But I digress, as she has some great points on how to be a multi-tasker when I revisited her blog yesterday after seeing it pop up on my Facebook news feed again. I suppose this comes to show that marketing does wonders.

Tiffany's tips towards multitasking are:

  • Stay organised
  • Do more of what makes you happy
  • Do more of what makes you confident
  • Relax, eat good food and drink good wine
  • Make your flaws your friends

Not tips I haven't heard before in some sense or another, of course, yet at the same time, quite enlightening. Snap out of your funk, self, and go do something useful!

I must confess, I feel as if I've regressed quite a lot this past year, as if I never quite recovered from 2012, or even 2010 before that. I don't think I've ever managed to completely find something I love doing, so that for the first half of 2012 the only thing that kept me going was the thought that the suffering would be over soon and I could finally sit back and recover.

But that's not completely true, if I'm honest with myself, there is something I do love doing. More than one something in fact. One was always said to me as something that would ensure that I would starve to my death on the streets, the others are things that I like but do not feel the capacity to achieve, and at the same time perceived as almost a waste of time. I wonder how doing what I love works when I like parts of my new course for the content it contains, yet so bitterly hate their approach to teaching and grading it, I know if it weren't worth marks I would hardly bother?

Maybe I'm making more positive steps to change though. Since Ruben introduced TaskAgent to me a couple of weeks ago, I've started to make some lists of the things I need to do, but I'm far from organised. I realise it's a long-term effort, of course, and it's hard to break the years of habit of merely keeping mental lists, but it's a start.

I'm spending more time with Ruben who makes me happiest and more confident in various ways, yet at the same time my flaws are being my enemy, so to speak following Tiffany's analogy. I really am a set of contradictions though — while on the one hand I deal with low self-esteem, on the other I have a thirst for quality and meticulousness. I am competitive, yet at the same time resigned about my own inability to perform well, ever. I spend a lot of time trying to be someone I believe that I can't be but desperately want to be. Perhaps it's my perceptions that are ultimately flawed, but how to deal with it I don't know yet.