Being C.

C: The Money of Soul and Possibility Control

For most of my online life, I’ve gone nameless, faceless. One of many with an internet pseudonym which they simply discarded after they felt it was time to move on. More recently though, I’ve been leaving my name on things, creating sites with my name on them.

In part, I want to leave a unique mark of myself, yet in other ways this has made me vulnerable. Now anyone can simply come across my thoughts, my works and mark them out as works of this person with my name. Sure, there are quite a few people with my name, but that it can be attributed back to me simply terrifies me.

I’ve often said that I’m not really a fan of my name, but I don’t mind my initials too much. It’s vague, it doesn’t speak too much about who I am. I’m identifiable, but faceless — you can’t judge me simply because I’m Asian, or female. Even being Asian has its quirks though, and most of the time I would rather register as C Tse, than with my full name.

I recall now the article from this post I’ve written previously about the impact of names. It is too easy to say just because you’re Asian you must be good at mathematics and thus accounting, or just because you’re a girl you must be good at marketing and sales.

This also extends to appearances though: just because you’re dressed in a patterned skirt means you must be a designer because you have fashion sense. Or just because you’re a lanky guy with glasses means you must be good at developing/programming/etc.

Can I just do without the Asian and female part? Must I give my full name on a resume, can’t I make do with ‘C Tse’? Must I put a photo so that I may be judged on my appearance? Sometimes I just want to do without all that, but it’s not fair to always blame it on how unfair society is. All things are unfair.

Besides, smart people get by through networking anyway, right?

Screencap from [C] The Money of Soul and Possibility Control © Tatsunoko Production and noitaminA.